Sunday, April 19, 2015

Reply to Brenda


This is a time for completing projects and crossing things off my to do list.  I leave in 8 days. Lunches with friends, meetings, exam administering and marking and handing in my marks are left on the list.

I've started (bravely, patiently) knitting the Kusha Kusha scarf purchased several years ago.  I'm 30% through this endless knitting with thread - one is silk stainless steel and the other merino.  It's good though because it gives me time to unwind and think about my good fortune.

My friend Brenda asked: Why are you going away without Vlad?

Vlad and I have taken a few holidays alone since we set up house many years ago.  He to Europe and the States for conferences and visits with his family, me mostly in Canada on conferences and visiting all corners of the country,  many times with my Mom.

Two years ago, I sent Vlad to Cotignac for a month.  He came back full of discoveries and memories to share and his smile was an all-over-the-face smile, you know, the one that reaches the eyes?

Time away from the home and partner can be very nourishing for self. Time away allows time alone with self to recalibrate (like Margret our GPS voice choice tells us she is doing) and roughly chart a life course that aligns values and actions.

Time away from home and partner allows for testing one's autonomy, something that we sometimes don't often do enough in a partnership. It allows for a meeting of the self without all the distractions of home and the over-familiar entourage.

Time away from home and partner allows for a renewal of your relationship, it gives fresh perspective and new things to share and mostly a renovated appreciation for what is.

That, Brenda, is why I am going away without Vlad.

Bisous,

Stella

2 comments:

Lizette said...

My husband just says: How can I miss you if you don't go away? There is some truth to that as the reunion is always so wonderful. I also believe it nourishes the relationship to have separate experiences and a chance to grow individually in order to grow as a couple. I think it is healthy for every relationship to have some autonomy and a renewed sense of self. I wish you the best adventure ever.

Stella said...

Lizette, thank you for this confirmation. It will be an adventure and I will be in touch when I get back.

xo