Yesterday, V. and I were invited to some friends for drinks and appies, or appetizers. We do this occasionally on a Friday and start around 5pm.
We look forward to meeting as we have gotten to know them well over the years. We share a great deal about retirement and retirement planning and are open and frank with each other in order to help each other work it all out.
Later that evening, my friend began speaking badly of another friend of mine. This was the second occurence during the evening although the first was just a hint of a comment about another friend.
Eventually, I spoke up, told her that this talk made me feel unsafe and made me wonder, what she might say about me in my absence.
Big booboo. In the movies, in novels, friends tell each other how they feel and it's o.k. but in real life, it doesn't always work out that way does it? Certainly not for me.
After an hour of working through my comment about her comment, I ended up apologizing and frankly, crying because I opened my big mouth.
I know what went wrong, I expressed myself when I was upset and that rarely works, it only makes things worse.
I wish I were more diplomatic and that I could tell people how I feel without hurting them.
Feeling sheepish,
Stella
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3 comments:
Stella, I truly believe we tend to walk on eggshells when it comes to honesty in our friendships, even our closest ones. As far as I can tell from your story, I think you were trying to be genuine and true to yourself. If you had to 'work through' your comment, it seems to me that says a lot regarding your friendship and your friend's lack of perspective. I can't help but wonder how well does she know you? How much does she value you, as a person, as a friend? You may have done her a favour, she may have needed to hear that comment to revisit her own judgements towards others. Who knows one day, she may even thank you for your remark.
I think you are too hard on yourself…
Your “friend” should know the real you and therefore understand your need to express yourself. It should get her thinking about how easily she “dissed” a friend…and the discomfort SHE caused. You took the high road...
Thank you fondly for taking the time to comment. You have lightened my load!
xo Stella
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